Big News!!

I never thought I would have a Cnidaria as a sibling. For all of you non-scientists (like myself), that's a jellyfish. I suppose it's kind of like having a dog sibling, like Scout...except that this one can inflict a lot of pain (Scout doesn't do that), and could potentially be deadly. I mean, look at poor Dory! She almost died!

All kidding aside, I am excited to say that I am finally going to have a brother! A real, live, human (I think) brother! As of yesterday afternoon, my lovely big sister Erin (she sometimes goes by the alias Eloise) is engaged! She and Bryan have been dating for close to nine years and they are finally going to tie the knot! I am super excited for my big sister because she is an awesome person who deserves the world. She has a guy who appreciates her for the amazing person that she is and I am looking forward to the day I call him my brother (although let's face it, he kind of is already)!

I visited my sister in DC a couple weeks ago over my Spring Break with a friend. While I was visiting, Bryan informed me that he would be traveling to Akron two weeks later to ask my parents' permission to marry my sister. I was not allowed to tell my parents and obviously couldn't tell my sister. It has been painful to hold it in, and I was thankful this past weekend when my parents finally found out. Keeping a secret from my mother while she is stressing out about things is not an easy thing to do. And for those who know my mother and are wondering, yes, she is already stressing out about the wedding. Within 24 hours of Bryan's visit she was already worrying about a mother-of-the-bride dress. Sorry to call you out, Mom, but it's kind of hilarious! Now that my sister is officially engaged, the wedding planning can commence! Thankfully I LOVE weddings and am already on the ball. Erin and Bryan met while working at Target, so I decided that, naturally, their colors should be red and khaki. Erin is obviously thrilled with the idea and can't wait to walk down the aisle to her groom who will be wearing khaki and a red polo while carrying her bouquet of plastic flowers from the $1 spot.

Okay, back to being serious again. I am ridiculously excited for my sister and can't wait to go through the wedding planning process and stand by her side as she says "I do" to the jelly-man! We will definitely make lots of memories and I look forward to keeping you all updated as the process continues.

As if helping to plan the wedding won't be stressful enough, I've got about 18 months to find myself a date! Applications are being accepted!

The future Mr. & Mrs. Arroyo

Note to Self

I saw this quote today and it really spoke to me and I thought others might be able to relate to it as well. Losing someone you value is hard. It's difficult to leave behind someone you care about, to recognize that a huge portion of your life is gone, to fill the hole that the person's departure left in your life. But what I've learned recently is that doing those things when you've lost yourself is even more difficult. How can you pick up the pieces and move forward when you don't even know how to put the pieces back together because you don't know what they are supposed to form? I am guilty of losing myself in some of my past relationships. I put the other person ahead of myself 100% of the time, and I recognize now that that is not the key to a healthy or successful relationship. Because if that is the type of relationship you're in, at some point it's going to end. And then you're left with only yourself--except you don't have a self because you've let this other person become your whole world.

Right now I'm living my life focusing on myself for the first time in a long time. I'm reminding myself that I am special and that any person of value in my life will value me, too. I'm finding myself again, learning who I am, and any person that wants to be a part of my life in the future will love me for exactly that. I challenge you all to expect the same from those you value.

And now I'll end with a quote from the wise Kid Cudi: "The three things a guy should want to change about his girl are her last name, address, and her outlook on men." Deep, Cudi, really deep. But true.

Happy Hump Day, everyone (and Pi Day, too)!

Now is Right On Time

It would have been so easy, over the last few months, to dwell on "wasted time." Five years spent in a relationship that went nowhere sounds like a waste, right? I'll admit that, at first, that was my focus. I couldn't believe I let myself miss out on opportunities to meet great guys because I couldn't get past the situation I was in. But this quote really hit home for me. If it wasn't for everything I went through during that time--each moment, each unique circumstance--I wouldn't be where I am right now. I wouldn't know more about myself, I wouldn't know what I want (and very clearly don't want) in a relationship. Right now, at this moment, I'm in a good place. I feel positive about my future and am confident that God has something awesome in store for me, whatever that may be. I'll admit that I'm a bit nervous not knowing what the future holds when for so long I thought I did, but I'm excited to find out! My journey, over the last five years, over the last 24 years, has prepared me for whatever lies ahead. I don't have regrets, I'm not looking back. I'm looking forward, moving on, and taking with me the lessons that life has taught me so far. Now is right on time.

Strength in the Struggle

To say that the last several months have been a struggle would be an understatement. To make a long story short, my life became a roller coaster that I don't remember getting on and then my world was turned completely upside down by someone I trusted. Now, this person, who I thought was a permanent fixture in my life, is nowhere to be seen (If you want the details, go ahead and ask. I am really not concerned about upholding this person's reputation!). Have you ever thought you knew someone really well, only it turns out that they were actually the complete opposite of what you thought? Like to the point where you look at their picture now and don't even recognize them and kinda sorta maybe despise them? Yeah. That happened. And it sucked.

To be completely honest though, this hurt. I mean, more than I've ever been hurt before, and I can't say that I am completely healed because the actions of this person completely blindsided me. There were days at the beginning where I couldn't see things getting better, where I would just lay in my bed and cry, or stare at the ceiling while a million questions ran through my mind. None of it made sense, and it still doesn't really. I mean, to think that any human being could behave this way, let alone someone who I let into my life for five years, is outrageous. For the most part, I'm better. Sure, I still catch myself changing songs that remind me of this person, or see something they would have liked and get a little sad, but then I remember that this person isn't worth any of that. I recognize the fact that it's not him I miss, but the person I thought he was who doesn't even exist! Every minute of our lives we spend being sad is 60 seconds of happiness we will never have, right? Right. And let me tell you, this person does NOT deserve to take away any more of my happiness.

As hard as it has been, I know I'll be better off because of it. Do I really need someone like that in my life? The answer, my friends, is NO. I recognize now that I deserve (and really any decent person in the world deserves this) people in my life that are going to appreciate me, value me, and respect me. I've learned a lot about myself--my wants, needs, and expectations--over the last few months and I am thankful for that. I know that I can approach any sort of relationships in the future in a different way and will likely be better for it. It took me awhile to realize it, but it's okay to cry, it's okay to be sad and feel completely broken. I think it's part of the healing process, and without it it's hard to move forward. With that being said, this is an old song by Lindsey Haun that I kind of love and has been an obsession of mine when life gets tough, so I thought today, "hey, why not record it?" So I did. Please don't mind my less than perfect guitar playing and my crazy, static, the wind hates me hair.

Oh, and Happy Friday everyone!Cheers to the freakin' weekend!